Eulogy for Ben Schreiber 1911-2012
Ben Schreiber died at the end of July, 2012, about a month before huis 101st birthday.At his funeral service, Rabbi Jonathan Malamy delivered a lovely eulogy.
The text is as follows.
Ben was born in 1911, the year before the Titanic sailed and less than a decade after the Wright Brothers successfully flew the first piloted airplane. And he died in 2012 in a time when human beings have walked on the moon and landed vehicles on the surface of Mars. What a span of years!
He was shaped by the events of his day, most signifantly, the Great Depression. His politics and outlook were unfailingly progressive. And, as the family saying came to express, Ben was "always fighting the landlord."
Born to Joseph and Frances Schreiber in 1911. He was the second of 6 children and the eldest son. When he was 14 Ben experienced a decisive turn in his life, the family's economic means forced him to leave school and enter the work force.
He worked as a messenger and an errand boy. His main work was in the knitting factories where he eventually became a foreman. In the 1920s he spent two years in the national guard but chose not to stay in the military, he did learn how to fire the 16" guns. For a time, he worked as a waiter the famous Reuben's Restaurant in NY, which is only slightly less combative than the armed forces.
While still in his teens he met Emily. They married in 1933 and they brought two sons into the world, Alan and Norman.
Their marriage lasted 55 years, over half a century, until Emily's death in 1988. Ben's own longevity was is some ways ironic. Though he had a powerful physique, and had even been a boxer in his youth, he had significant cardiac problems for much of his life and had suffered a major heart attack in his 30s. Though it limited his work options, he certainly outlived many of the doctors who predicted a shorter lifespan.
Many of Ben's most significant commitments seem to be a reaction to the traumatic poverty of his early years. He grew up in a large family that couldn't support itself financially, even spending a few years in an orphanage, and some of that burden rested on him at too young an age. Certainly this is one reason why he and Emily had a smaller family.
Moreover, when financial straits put pressure on Alan to leave school, and contribute to the family's means, Ben insisted that he continue. To me that is a poignant moment and a healing one. He was able to do for his children what his own parents were unable or unwilling to do for him. It feels like a pivotal event, a defining moment of character. And indeed Alan you spoke of the gratitude you felt for your father and the way in which he was an inspiration and an idol for you.
Having lived through the Depression and come out the other side, Ben was of the generation that venerated FDR. And his politics and world outlook remained durably progressive. He came of age among a immigrant melange and his natural intelligence and inherent interpersonal skills led him to pick up langauges. He gained enough Spanish and Italian and Yiddish to make himself understood. He even learned some Chinese as well.
Following Alan to Augusta, Georgia in the 1960s Ben was in a prime place to see some of the issues of the civil rights movement play out. Norman recalled that Ben joined the NAACP and was an advocate for equality and civil rights. (At another time he joined the Puerto Rican Merchants association.) It was in environments like these that Ben's unabashed willingness to say what he thought was right and just without regard for the social consequences seems so courageous. Of course, that could just be a trick of the context, the external circumstances might change, but Ben's ethical stances did not. One of the benefits of his long life came in 2008, Ben took great pride in helping to elect Barack Obama president.
When the family relocated to Baltimore, Ben and Emily lived in a community that over the years experienced economic downturn and demographic change. He founded and led a block association. As time went by, they did not participate in the Urban and White Flight of the period, rather Ben stayed communally engaged and was active in trying to find jobs for young people who would otherwise lack the connections to get a foot in the door. He and Emily also gave much time to Meals on Wheels. They felt commitment to others, an obligation to those in need. Ben simply had an enduring interest and investment in other people.
Perhaps then it makes sense here to mention that Ben's moral compass operated with a healthy skepticism for religion. He had a strong Jewish identity, ethnic and cultural, but found many traditional beliefs suspect. He had experienced some moments of anti-Semitism that seemed to have made an enduring impression. During his time at Jewish Home, he often recounted the story of a slur being leveled at him. I think it haunted him a bit. He saw the richness of cultures, Jewish and others, but rebelled against any offensive notions that drew lines of separation between people.
A few years after Emily's death in 1988, Ben remarried Florence and they eventually relocated to Arkansas. Declining health eventually forced Ben and Florence to live separately, it was a loss but a necessity for them both.
In his mid-90s, when I met him, Ben was philosophical about his age. In the blog that he and Norman began a few months before I met him, Ben wrote, in April 2008:
I am 96 years old. In another couple of years I will be able to say the first 100 years are the hardest.
And two months later: I keep telling myself in a couple of years I'll be able to tell people what the first 100 years are like and I decided to stop thinking after that. I decided to leave it for another day. Upon reflection, I thought, let things happen as they will.
And in June:
Here I am living in a new world with all my neighbors being the same advanced age I am and going over the many incidents that brought me here...
[I] more or less hope that my life has been a good one Leaving behind me the memory of two wonderful women (my wives) and my children. now grown men in their own respective worlds, my grandchild and my great grandchild (Having a great grandchild gives me a feeling of august splendor unrivaled by any other feeling) and whose love I cherish and will forever close my book with whatever shall come.
Three days later they wrote:
Today I would like to tell you of a visit that brought me great joy. I was permitted a wonderful thing, one which many people are not able to attain. I was able to see my great grandson, Torben-- a lovely husky bounding infant; and to watch him rolling around and laughing. Being able to hold him in my arms brought me great joy, of which I cannot imagine anything could equal.
I was completely enthralled with what I saw, a great display of intelligence and awareness of his surroundings.
I am grateful that Maya and Jason brought him to the home. And I look forward to seeing Torben and his parents again.
--
As the rabbi of the Jewish Home and Hospital I felt very fortunate not only to meet Ben but to have him as a member of our community. He was an active, insightful and challenging participant in many a discussion. I hear his echo, especially in the quote I read a moment ago, "a feeling of august splendor." there was a certan grandiosity, grandiloquence in his speech that elevated the conversation. When he would take issue with something I said, he would not simply say, I disagree, rather he would gather himself like my image of a 19th Centrury Southern Legislator or trial attorney, "Do you have the audacity sir to stand there and claim such and such." Who could withstand the force of his personality?!
Ben Schreiber helped me to remember at all times that ideas and words are important. That they shape actions and affect people's lives.
In Jewish tradition we say of a loved one, zikhrono livrakha, may his memory be a blessing.
What does that mean? Certainly recalling the good times is a part of it. A person’s best times, their skills and accomplishments, and our shared experiences with them. All these can be thought a blessing.
But even the challenges and struggles that are part of every life can lead to blessing. If we continue to remember Ben, to speak about him and share the lessons he taught us, to reflect on the whole of his life: the strengths he displayed, the choices he made, and even the challenges he endured and the struggles he faced. If we can learn from them, and allow them to change us for the better, to influence our own choices for the good then his legacy, his good name will persist, and our world will be enriched. And in that way, his memory can continue to bless us. zikhrono livracha, may it be ever so. Amen.
He was shaped by the events of his day, most signifantly, the Great Depression. His politics and outlook were unfailingly progressive. And, as the family saying came to express, Ben was "always fighting the landlord."
Born to Joseph and Frances Schreiber in 1911. He was the second of 6 children and the eldest son. When he was 14 Ben experienced a decisive turn in his life, the family's economic means forced him to leave school and enter the work force.
He worked as a messenger and an errand boy. His main work was in the knitting factories where he eventually became a foreman. In the 1920s he spent two years in the national guard but chose not to stay in the military, he did learn how to fire the 16" guns. For a time, he worked as a waiter the famous Reuben's Restaurant in NY, which is only slightly less combative than the armed forces.
While still in his teens he met Emily. They married in 1933 and they brought two sons into the world, Alan and Norman.
Their marriage lasted 55 years, over half a century, until Emily's death in 1988. Ben's own longevity was is some ways ironic. Though he had a powerful physique, and had even been a boxer in his youth, he had significant cardiac problems for much of his life and had suffered a major heart attack in his 30s. Though it limited his work options, he certainly outlived many of the doctors who predicted a shorter lifespan.
Many of Ben's most significant commitments seem to be a reaction to the traumatic poverty of his early years. He grew up in a large family that couldn't support itself financially, even spending a few years in an orphanage, and some of that burden rested on him at too young an age. Certainly this is one reason why he and Emily had a smaller family.
Moreover, when financial straits put pressure on Alan to leave school, and contribute to the family's means, Ben insisted that he continue. To me that is a poignant moment and a healing one. He was able to do for his children what his own parents were unable or unwilling to do for him. It feels like a pivotal event, a defining moment of character. And indeed Alan you spoke of the gratitude you felt for your father and the way in which he was an inspiration and an idol for you.
Having lived through the Depression and come out the other side, Ben was of the generation that venerated FDR. And his politics and world outlook remained durably progressive. He came of age among a immigrant melange and his natural intelligence and inherent interpersonal skills led him to pick up langauges. He gained enough Spanish and Italian and Yiddish to make himself understood. He even learned some Chinese as well.
Following Alan to Augusta, Georgia in the 1960s Ben was in a prime place to see some of the issues of the civil rights movement play out. Norman recalled that Ben joined the NAACP and was an advocate for equality and civil rights. (At another time he joined the Puerto Rican Merchants association.) It was in environments like these that Ben's unabashed willingness to say what he thought was right and just without regard for the social consequences seems so courageous. Of course, that could just be a trick of the context, the external circumstances might change, but Ben's ethical stances did not. One of the benefits of his long life came in 2008, Ben took great pride in helping to elect Barack Obama president.
When the family relocated to Baltimore, Ben and Emily lived in a community that over the years experienced economic downturn and demographic change. He founded and led a block association. As time went by, they did not participate in the Urban and White Flight of the period, rather Ben stayed communally engaged and was active in trying to find jobs for young people who would otherwise lack the connections to get a foot in the door. He and Emily also gave much time to Meals on Wheels. They felt commitment to others, an obligation to those in need. Ben simply had an enduring interest and investment in other people.
Perhaps then it makes sense here to mention that Ben's moral compass operated with a healthy skepticism for religion. He had a strong Jewish identity, ethnic and cultural, but found many traditional beliefs suspect. He had experienced some moments of anti-Semitism that seemed to have made an enduring impression. During his time at Jewish Home, he often recounted the story of a slur being leveled at him. I think it haunted him a bit. He saw the richness of cultures, Jewish and others, but rebelled against any offensive notions that drew lines of separation between people.
A few years after Emily's death in 1988, Ben remarried Florence and they eventually relocated to Arkansas. Declining health eventually forced Ben and Florence to live separately, it was a loss but a necessity for them both.
In his mid-90s, when I met him, Ben was philosophical about his age. In the blog that he and Norman began a few months before I met him, Ben wrote, in April 2008:
I am 96 years old. In another couple of years I will be able to say the first 100 years are the hardest.
And two months later: I keep telling myself in a couple of years I'll be able to tell people what the first 100 years are like and I decided to stop thinking after that. I decided to leave it for another day. Upon reflection, I thought, let things happen as they will.
And in June:
Here I am living in a new world with all my neighbors being the same advanced age I am and going over the many incidents that brought me here...
[I] more or less hope that my life has been a good one Leaving behind me the memory of two wonderful women (my wives) and my children. now grown men in their own respective worlds, my grandchild and my great grandchild (Having a great grandchild gives me a feeling of august splendor unrivaled by any other feeling) and whose love I cherish and will forever close my book with whatever shall come.
Three days later they wrote:
Today I would like to tell you of a visit that brought me great joy. I was permitted a wonderful thing, one which many people are not able to attain. I was able to see my great grandson, Torben-- a lovely husky bounding infant; and to watch him rolling around and laughing. Being able to hold him in my arms brought me great joy, of which I cannot imagine anything could equal.
I was completely enthralled with what I saw, a great display of intelligence and awareness of his surroundings.
I am grateful that Maya and Jason brought him to the home. And I look forward to seeing Torben and his parents again.
--
As the rabbi of the Jewish Home and Hospital I felt very fortunate not only to meet Ben but to have him as a member of our community. He was an active, insightful and challenging participant in many a discussion. I hear his echo, especially in the quote I read a moment ago, "a feeling of august splendor." there was a certan grandiosity, grandiloquence in his speech that elevated the conversation. When he would take issue with something I said, he would not simply say, I disagree, rather he would gather himself like my image of a 19th Centrury Southern Legislator or trial attorney, "Do you have the audacity sir to stand there and claim such and such." Who could withstand the force of his personality?!
Ben Schreiber helped me to remember at all times that ideas and words are important. That they shape actions and affect people's lives.
In Jewish tradition we say of a loved one, zikhrono livrakha, may his memory be a blessing.
What does that mean? Certainly recalling the good times is a part of it. A person’s best times, their skills and accomplishments, and our shared experiences with them. All these can be thought a blessing.
But even the challenges and struggles that are part of every life can lead to blessing. If we continue to remember Ben, to speak about him and share the lessons he taught us, to reflect on the whole of his life: the strengths he displayed, the choices he made, and even the challenges he endured and the struggles he faced. If we can learn from them, and allow them to change us for the better, to influence our own choices for the good then his legacy, his good name will persist, and our world will be enriched. And in that way, his memory can continue to bless us. zikhrono livracha, may it be ever so. Amen.
