Eulogy for Ben Schreiber 1911-2012

Ben Schreiber died at the end of July, 2012, about a month before huis 101st birthday.
At his funeral service, Rabbi Jonathan Malamy delivered a lovely eulogy.
The text is as follows.

Ben was born in 1911, the year before the Titanic sailed and less than a decade after the Wright Brothers successfully flew the first piloted airplane.  And he died in 2012 in a time when human beings have walked on the moon and landed vehicles on the surface of Mars.  What a span of years!

He was shaped by the events of his day, most signifantly, the Great Depression.  His politics and outlook were unfailingly progressive.  And, as the family saying came to express, Ben was "always fighting the landlord."
Born to Joseph and Frances Schreiber in 1911.  He was the second of 6 children and the eldest son.  When he was 14 Ben experienced a decisive turn in his life, the family's economic means forced him to leave school and enter the work force.  

He worked as a messenger and an errand boy.  His main work was in the knitting factories where he eventually became a foreman.  In the 1920s he spent two years in the national guard but chose not to stay in the military, he did learn how to fire the 16" guns.  For a time, he worked as a waiter the famous Reuben's Restaurant in NY, which is only slightly less combative than the armed forces.

While still in his teens he met Emily. They  married in 1933 and they brought two sons into the world,  Alan and Norman.

Their marriage lasted 55 years, over half a century, until Emily's death in 1988.  Ben's own longevity was is some ways ironic.  Though he had a powerful physique, and had even been a boxer in his youth, he had significant cardiac problems for much of his life and had suffered a major heart attack in his 30s.  Though it limited his work options, he certainly outlived many of the doctors who predicted a shorter lifespan.

Many of Ben's most significant commitments seem to be a reaction to the traumatic poverty of  his early years.  He grew up in a large family that couldn't support itself financially, even spending a few years in an orphanage, and some of that burden rested on him at too young an age.  Certainly this is one reason why he and Emily had a smaller family.  
Moreover, when financial straits put pressure on Alan to leave school, and contribute to the family's means, Ben insisted that he continue.  To me that is a poignant moment and a healing one.  He was able to do for his children what his own parents were unable or unwilling to do for him.  It feels like a pivotal event, a defining moment of character.  And indeed Alan you spoke of the gratitude you felt for your father and the way in which he was an inspiration and an idol for you.

Having lived through the Depression and come out the other side, Ben was of the generation that venerated FDR.  And his politics and world outlook remained durably progressive.  He came of age among a immigrant melange and his natural intelligence and inherent interpersonal skills led him to pick up langauges.  He gained enough Spanish and Italian and Yiddish to make himself understood.  He even learned some Chinese as well.

Following Alan to Augusta, Georgia in the 1960s Ben was in a prime place to see some of the issues of the civil rights movement play out.  Norman recalled that Ben  joined the NAACP and was an advocate for equality and civil rights.  (At another time he joined the Puerto Rican Merchants association.) It was in environments like these that Ben's unabashed willingness to say what he thought was right and just without regard for the social consequences seems so courageous. Of course, that could just be a trick of the context, the external circumstances might change, but Ben's ethical stances did not.  One of the benefits of his long life came in 2008, Ben took great pride in helping to elect Barack Obama president.

When the family relocated to Baltimore, Ben and Emily lived in a community that over the years experienced economic downturn and demographic change.  He founded and led a block association.  As time went by, they did not participate in the Urban and White Flight of the period, rather Ben stayed communally engaged and was active in trying to find jobs for young people who would otherwise lack the connections to get a foot in the door.  He and Emily also gave much time to Meals on Wheels.  They felt commitment to others, an obligation to those in need.  Ben simply had an enduring interest and investment in other people.

Perhaps then it makes sense here to mention that Ben's moral compass operated with a healthy skepticism for religion.  He had a strong Jewish identity, ethnic and cultural, but found many traditional beliefs suspect.  He had experienced some moments of anti-Semitism that seemed to have made an enduring impression.  During his time at Jewish Home, he often recounted the story of a slur being leveled at him.  I think it haunted him a bit.  He saw the richness of cultures, Jewish and others, but rebelled against any offensive notions that drew lines of separation between people.

A few years after Emily's death in 1988, Ben remarried Florence and they eventually relocated to Arkansas.   Declining health eventually forced Ben and Florence to live separately, it was a loss but a necessity for them both.
In his mid-90s, when I met him, Ben was philosophical about his age.  In the blog that he and Norman began a few months before I met him, Ben wrote, in April 2008: 
I am 96 years old.  In another couple of years I will be able to say the first 100 years are the hardest.

And two months later: I keep telling myself in a couple of years I'll be able to tell people what the first 100 years are like and I decided to stop thinking after that. I decided to leave it for another day. Upon reflection, I thought, let things happen as they will.

And in June:
Here I am living in a new world with all my neighbors being the same advanced age I am and going over the many incidents that brought me here...
[I] more or less hope that my life has been a good one Leaving behind me the memory of two wonderful women (my wives) and my children. now grown men in their own respective worlds, my grandchild and my great grandchild (Having a great grandchild gives me a feeling of august splendor unrivaled by any other feeling) and whose love I cherish and will forever close my book with whatever shall come.

Three days later they wrote:
Today I would like to tell you of a visit that brought me great joy. I was permitted a wonderful thing, one which many people are not able to attain. I was able to see my great grandson, Torben-- a lovely husky bounding infant; and to watch him rolling around and laughing. Being able to hold him in my arms brought me great joy, of which I cannot imagine anything could equal.

I was completely enthralled with what I saw, a great display of intelligence and awareness of his surroundings.

I am grateful that Maya and Jason brought him to the home. And I look forward to seeing Torben and his parents again.
--
As the rabbi of the Jewish Home and Hospital I felt very fortunate not only to meet Ben but to have him as a member of our community.  He was an active, insightful and challenging participant in many a discussion.  I hear his echo, especially in the quote I read a moment ago, "a feeling of august splendor." there was a certan grandiosity, grandiloquence in his speech that elevated the conversation. When he would take issue with something I said, he would not simply say, I disagree, rather he would gather himself like my image of a 19th Centrury Southern Legislator or trial attorney, "Do you have the audacity sir  to stand there and claim such and such."  Who could withstand the force of his personality?!
Ben Schreiber helped me to remember at all times that ideas and words are important.  That they shape actions and affect people's lives.

In Jewish tradition we say of a loved one, zikhrono livrakha, may his memory be a blessing.
What does that mean?  Certainly recalling the good times is a part of it.   A person’s best times, their skills and accomplishments, and our shared experiences with them.  All these can be thought a blessing.  

But even the challenges and struggles that are part of every life can lead to blessing.  If we continue to remember Ben, to speak about him and share the lessons he taught us, to reflect on the whole of his life: the strengths he displayed, the choices he made, and even the challenges he endured and the struggles he faced.  If we can learn from them, and allow them to change us for the better, to influence our own choices for the good then his legacy, his good name will persist, and our world will be enriched.  And in that way, his memory can continue to bless us.  zikhrono livracha, may it be ever so.  Amen.

I worked for Picadilly sportswear. I started as an errand boy.It was part of my job to go out for sandwiches. I pickrd up about 40 lunches a day. Finally I said this has got to pay me money. The guys gave me tips but I had to pay for my own lunch. I said, "bullshit."

I told the owner of the luncheonette, "I'm going to have to stop buying my lunches here."

He said, "Why."
I said, "your competitor says that if I buy lunches theree, my lunch will be free and he''ll give me a dollar besides."
The guy offered me five dollars and free lunch every day.
SO I said, "I'll take the five dollars."

Somebody hears me tell somebody that I got five dollars.
The guy said, "you're buying our sandwiches and you're getting five dollars for it?"
I said, "yes."
He said they should get something off the sandwich prices.
I said, "I'll stop getting the sandwiches. I've got news for you. I stop getting the sandwiches and you guys will be in trouble."
I went to the guy who sold the sandwiches, and said, "they're raising hell about my getting sandwiches.

He said, "I'll give you ten dollars."

so i started getting the the sandwiches for $10 a week.
One of the guys heard I was getting $10 and said, "I'm going to tell them you're getting money for this"

And I said if you can tell them with a broken jaw, go ahead."

Also in my career I went to work for another group, Smilen Brothers. They called themselves fruiterers of distinction, . I worked on and off with them for a number of years.
I waited on trade. I sold them fruits and usually I imduced them to purchase a little more than what they came in for . . .not because I wanted them to get more healthy by eating more fruit.. We got little gifts for increased sales... I would get more prizes for selling fruit to them. At a certan point it was a habit which I kept up over the years.
I'd suggest we have a special this week only on McIntosh apples. If you like pears we have both this kind and that kind . You have a choice or you can have both. By speaking well of our selection it would induce them to get more fruit.
Also we got a percentage of money, fr selling over a certain quantity. This induced me to keep on talkng about our merchandise. I never tired of talking about new things..

I worked for them for many years until I became ill and then I had to stop working altogether.
I was well into the 1950s. As a result of a serious heart attack I was forced to slow down. I tried to convince every customer I was especially interested with them and I also tried to work well with my coworkers. One of the man things I tried to keep track of was knowing where the fruits came from and what seasonal fruit was approaching. There's a season for peaches, pears apples of different kinds. I decided to learn all I could for the foods I sold and pass that info on to my customers for bigger sales and more usage. If you can induce a women t put up preseves she might put buy 25 Poussin. or onions for pickling.

After I graduated from elementary school, I went to Boy's High. This was in 1925,I was t herea week but could n't continue my family needed me to go to work. I went to work as a Western Union messenger. The first office i worked oat was locatred at 92 Wall Street. This station's was"RS." We covered the Wall St area. Frim Brioad ST to the water frontMost of the people ZI served were at steamship lines and brokerage firms-- mostly coffee tea and sugar. Whenever necessary I filled in at various officees in the city.
I was a meesseger also at the4 Equitable inthe 30s.uptown buiklding. I served a lot of tie in the fur and garment districts.

As a western union messengert I enjoyed meeting somr famous personalities. I met them whe niu delviered to telwerams to them. Some marked personal, had to be delivered directly to them and signed for by them.
The only one I remember was Biully deBeck. He was a cartoonist an he did Barney Google and sparkplug. Actually I rmember more about his giant dog.iI think it was was a bull mastiff. He lived in an apartment on W. 94h St not to far fro Rioverside Drive.

Incident in the Candy Store

We were a bunch of kiods just hanging around. Somebody said, "Let's go to Pop's Candy Store."
And another kid said, " Yeah let's help hom out wwith his candy." And everybody laughed.
We started to go.
In the store, I started to talking to the man behind the counter.
I asked him about the candy business and how muh the candy cost and what I would do when I grew up. If I should open a candy store.
Meantime the kids were going behin the counteer. The candy store man caught one of the boys stealing candy. The man immediatey stopped talking to me. He ran out and got a cop. We didn't know what he was doig. We thought he was scared. He cae back with a cop. SOme of the kids were there.
"Which one," Asked the cop.The man pointed at one of the ringleaders, and I didn't say anythng. I was worrying about what was going to happen to me if I was caught.

I fond an opportunity to slip out of the store and I ran home.
Later I learned that the cop had learned them they could only come in one at a time and hey had to show their money.
Later on, one asked me whaere I went.
"We all went home," I said. "I wait home too.
Later on in the evening. after supper. I met with some of theguyd andt they asked me wwhere I went.
I said I dont'st want to do that stuff.
Angelo said, "This Jew bastard knows what he's talking aboiut and I agree with him.
That was the first time I was called A "Jew Bastard" And I thanked him..I thought it was a compliment.
It felt good to be one of the boys.
But soon after, what with my bar mitzvah, I became a man.

Afteter that, I went to play with kids on another bloick.

Let me introduce you to the different people who help make a knitting mill run.
The firstthing you have to ma know is the material.
The winder winds yarn onto cones.A wiindig machine is operated by a person who, oddly enough, is called a "winder." After the yarn is put on the cone, she give it to the knitting department.
The mechanic chooses the correct yarn for the piece of material he has to knit.
The knitting machine has stands on which the cones sit. The mechanic puts the cones on the stands. Het hen runs it down to a "feed" attached to a cylinder on the machine. The appropriate number of needles are placed in slots. For example, a cylinder could accomodate 637 slots.
Then the mechanic starts the machine off. The emerging cloth is inspected by knitters constantly.
And if the cloth is all right, they fulfil;l the amount required.The designer comes in at the end after the cloth8 isade up. She checks the finished cloth to guarantee perfection.

Chapter Two

Watching the emerging cloth did not seem too exciting; but some of the stories the head mechanic, Charlie, told me were reasonably tawdry; and, if not true, were very exciting to a young lad of my tender age. However, in time to come I was to become accustomed to some chatter in his wild (?) exciting existence, which i found to be nothing more than an affectionate affair with John Barleycorn..I do believe some of his his tales belong in the library of Baron Munchhausen. But nevertheless I enjoyed them. He once told me about being in a house of ill repute and smoke was detected coming out of it somewhere and he had to race out of the premisses inhis underwear; and that some of the ladies he had known were gracious and even beautiful. All in all that he led an excitig life in adddition to taking care of the knitting machines.What I knew about him to be true was that he was a bachelor who hailed from upstate NewYork and he led a quiet life until the weekend when he blew all of his money on drink. He was quite a caroler of bawdy songs.
But beyond all of this excitement, he was still a great mechanic and proved to be a great friend.
One day, about a year after I started with the company, I was carrying some yarn to Charlie, Mr. Friedberg grabbed my arm, aand said, "Wait a minute, I want to tell you somthing."
He was always stopping me and saying "do this, or do that." I stopped, wondering what it would be this time.
"Look, you can work with Charlie on the msachines."
From then on I worked on the knitting macghine and was a knitter. Then began my days in earnest as a knitter, and I learned more and more each day about the skill.